Connections

So much of our trip has been about making connections: connecting with family, staying connected with heaven, connecting with those around us in new and exciting ways, and even the literal connection of our trailer to light, power and waste and even internet for work.  One of the challenges we've faced is having bad connections with phone service and internet and it's made our plans change and caused me to feel a little disconnected from the world.  There are great analogies coming up all over the place for me right now, but I want to share one with you tonight.

I was laying in the grass this evening (a weird ocurance since my days are busy making food in a bitty kitchen, keeping this child and that child from potential distress, and planning out the next place to go) and I saw a group of birds playing and flying.

 I looked up beyond the birds and longed to be able to soar and connect with the clouds and air the way they could.  It's always been one of my secret (well now not secret) dreams to be able to fly.  Some kids fantacized of super strength, some of invisibility, but mine was to fly.  I dream many times as a child that if I just willed my arms and legs with enough strength I could soar above the ground and float around watching the world.  While watching the birds connect and play tag and follow one another,  I was reminded of the many connections we have been making.  I was also reminded when I saw one single bird soaring very high above the rest, that it can be scary and exciting when we fly alone.  

We headed out three months ago.  Hard to believe for me sometimes because it feels like longer, but it's amazing how in such a short period of time we can disconnect from friends and a life we left behind.  I have missed home desperately, but also enjoy the quiet and simple moments of time with my husband and children like I've never had before.  No dance, lessons, busy this and that and whatever we fill our life with daily to stay busy and make us happy.  It was really hard for us to leave what we knew behind, but we felt so inspired to do this with our family, we couldn't ignore those promptings and we went for it head on.  We are all allowed to make our own choices and whether you have religious beliefs or not, I believe there is a force beyond our own that can allow us to connect with each other in miraculous and amazing ways; children with parents, husbands and wives, mother and child, etc.  What are we all meant for if not to connect with each other and make each others lives meaningful?  We choose:  to build or take down.  It seems all too simple, but it can be a really hard thing to put in practice or recognize in ourselves and others. 

(Sydney teaching Lucy to water dance.  She wanted so badly to swim, but could only keep up with water wings as she's still learning to swim. It's a head under water thing.  She came to Lucy and asked her to make up a dance when she saw her alone.  She helped her jump and play and it was so good for Lucy. She's a little tentative in the water too, but was jumping in the little pool with ease by the time they we're done.  One jump at a time.)

While I'm away, I've been serving in my church to help other women connect with each other and give each other a support system of respect, encouragement and charity,  I didn't like the idea of having more responsibility when I'm traveling so far from home, but it's hit me tonight like never before.  The last few weeks I've felt so disconnected from friends and my old life, I've missed home terribly.  Maybe it's just my fear that I can be easily replaced and forgotten.  I've questioned my choice to drag the kids along with us as they get acceptance emails into programs and activities they longed for, when they talk with old friends on the phone and express their disappointment at not seeing them, and missing my weekly singing sessions and expressions of my heart.  I've wondered what it is I'm doing differently because just a few short months ago the connection I felt with heaven was powerful enough to sustain me to say "see you later".  I felt revelation and saw miracles happen, really and truly.  I can't deny that and am drawing on those experiences to help me when it's hard.  When we have a challenge in our lives, we draw upon our strength by remembering the times when we felt joy and peace.  It can be a great strength to anyone to remember that a lot of our experiences are full of emotions and feelings, some that can be altered with a change of heart or mindset.  Not all, but some!  Isn't that enough?  It is for me right now.  I know that the relationships I've made with friends and family can be nourished and strengthened with connections.  I think we can get too overwhelmed or burdened by thinking it has to happen all at once.  One connection at a time.  I've enjoyed the texts and emails from friends who just said I was missed.  It made my life easier and reminded I'm not forgotten.  

As the beautiful day ends, and the rain pours down tonight, I am reminded of change and our need to make connections.  We can't soar high above the clouds on our own all the time.  We sometimes need to come down and fly with others and play and laugh and encourage them so they can soar as well.  We do need each other, or we would have been sent to islands and born as adults.  When the rain pours in our lives, and it will during moments of doubt and uncertainty, we look to those days when it was all very clear and bright and easy to see.  I hope that this year will bring those connections for me and for my family.  I pray that I'm teaching them about what matters most and how beautiful and blessed we are to live in such a place of freedom.  Connect.  Encourage.  Uplift.   
 (written Sept. 2014)

Karla and My Girls

UPDATE: 10-20-2014 Since the original night I posted this, it has been raining all day and we have had a wet coastal day.  It's still beautiful.  I have made several connections. I was able to reunite with a friend I have thought about for the last 20 years.  She lived 10 minutes from one place we stayed in Washington.  It was great to pick up and see what changes had come into our lives and to get reconnected.  We also met my mothers Aunt and cousin while in Oregon.  They are wonderful women, the kind you say, yes...we're family.  They live for the Lord and desire to follow him.  I am so blessed to have such a great family heritage.  Not only did we get to visit on the Oregon Coast, but we stayed with Cousin Karla on the side of her beautiful home in Southern Oregon.  We had come through earlier in the year and the kids asked if we had family and I'd told them they didn't.  Little did I know that a month and a half later we'd be reconnecting with some a few miles away.  It's amazing. When we know where we come from and who has sacrificed for beliefs, we can truly live up to our potential and maybe draw upon and continue the journey of faith.  So it is I've learned on my mother's side I didn't know very well.  They shared old photos and Aunt Doris told us about her parents and my Grandfather.  My kids were thrilled and had a glorious time as they loved and cared for us like their own children. We met her 2 children and 3 grandchildren and found her husbands mother was a Palmer (my maiden name).  It started with these two.
 
We've visited LDS Chapels and visited with faithful and kind Saints.  I met an old college friend in Maple Valley, Washington and she remembered my name and I didn't remember hers (how embarassing) and in the same ward a sister of my girls dance teacher.  We met her several times in Utah, but saw her and recognized her immediately.  We spent this Sunday at the Heritage Oaks Ward with my husband's friend from Freshman year at BYU.  They are a beautiful family and his wife is another one of those amazing women making the world a better place.  We look forward to connecting with more friends and family.  Keep in touch and we'll be doing the same!