Children learn shapes at an early age. Part of developmental learning for even a baby includes learning to distinguish differences in shapes (Ginsberg). They learn to know who mom and dad are by subtle differences in shape, and texture. Parents may recall sitting with a toddler helping them understand how the yellow triangle shape fits into the triangle opening of a plastic round ball toy. The delight and glee that comes from getting things to fit correctly can be felt by both parent and child.
"What should I do, now that something has gone wrong?" (Arbinger Institute)
Many parents, despite great techniques and loving guidance, may still find themselves facing the challenges of parenting kids. They may ask questions about what to do when something isn't working. By spending more time figuring out what to do when things go wrong, parents spend more time in the reaction stage. For example: How do I help my child do the dishes when asked? The Arbinger Institute, known for its work helping communities develop principles of a growth mindset, explains how to ask another question that helps parents grow and act.
"How can I help things go right?" (Arbinger Institute)
Spending more time on this question can be a way to conserve energy and effort. When parents can spend more time acting on what needs to be done, it leads them to figure out ways to help a child grow and act for themselves. A question asked with this in mind might be, What will help my child develop responsibility and satisfaction in helping the family? By asking this question our energy is spent finding solutions with growth for the child in mind.
The Parenting Pyramid:
Parents may find themselves wishing for a simple solution that fits as well as a shape into the right spot, but as adults, we learn more advanced ways to see and analyze shapes. They take on new complexity and characteristics that enable growing minds to keep learning and understand new concepts. Teaching a child is a lot like taking on new concepts. The Parenting Pyramid presented by Arbinger uses a pyramid to help parents in their experience of teaching and correction.
For example, a child keeps hitting their sibling. Instead of spending time correcting the behavior, find a solution by teaching a child why we don't hit someone. If a child hasn't developed a relationship with the parent, the child won't listen to the teaching. It is important to have a solid foundation in the bottom three levels to be able to teach and correct.
Self-Care:
Within the structure of The Parenting Pyramid, we learn a "personal way of being." The baseline of all parenting is the kind of people we are. Are we present and sincere, or are we making little effort because we don't have much to give? The idea is often used to help us understand in the example shown as part of flight instruction worldwide. The oxygen mask. Why should we put our oxygen masks first? Huffpost.com shared on their blog what happens when we don't take care of our own oxygen first with this statement:
Taking care of ourselves and being the kind of people our children can look to sends a powerful unspoken message of self-worth and personal value. In this state of being, we are able to build relationships, then teach and correct when needed. It goes back to what we learned about development and shapes. We need to be able to recognize what our children need and help them shape their lives.
An important part of self-care is learning what kind of parent we are and how we are parenting our children. How one parents their children was influenced by their own personal experiences, parents, and spouses. A lot can be said about the way we interact and guide children based on this style.
The beauty of parenting is that if changes need to be made, it is possible and never too late. Parents can learn as well as their children. Parenting is a noble and fulfilling experience. Not every parent knows all the answers, but every parent can learn something new.
References:
Ginsberg, Herbert P., and Oppenzato Colleen, "What Children Need to Know and Learn about Shape and Space." Stanford.edu. doi: https://prek-math-te.stanford.edu/spatial-relations/what-children-know-and-need-learn-about-shape-and-space. Accessed 27 March 2022.
(Picture) Flight Attendant Oxygen Mask. Dreamstime.com. https://www.dreamstime.com/photos-images/flight-attendant-oxygen-mask.html Accessed 1 April 2022.
(Picture) Kissing Knee. istockphoto.com. https://www.istockphoto.com/search/2/image?phrase=kissing+knee. Accessed 27 March 2022.
(Picture) Shape-O Toy. Tupperwear.com. https://www.tupperware.com/products/shape-o-toy. Accessed 27 March 2022.
(Picture) Parenting Styles. Verywellfamily.com. Verywell / Joshua Seong. https://www.verywellfamily.com/types-of-parenting-styles-1095045. Accessed 27 March 2022.
Refinery 29. "Why you're instructed to put oxygen masks on yourself first," Huffpost.com. The Blog. July 27, 2019. doi: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/why-youre-instructed-to-p_b_11201778. Accessed 1 April 2022.
[Sprouts]. (Accessed March 27, 2022). "5 Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Life." (Video). Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyO8pvpnTdE
"The Parenting Pyramid," The Arbinger Company. 1998. Doi: https://content.byui.edu/file/91e7c911-20c5-4b9f-b8fc-9e4b1b37b6fc/1/Parenting_Pyramid_article.pdf. Accessed 25 February 2022.
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